The 1st of June

The First day of June has arrived, and with every new month, I have new complaints to make.
-Pigeons, in my opinion, have way to much free time on their hands (or claws, or whatever they have instead of hands). These days, they're going out of their way to march, yes, march, on the upper shelf of my airconditioner. Just as I'm about to doze off, I hear them, "making their presence felt" in the most inconsiderate manner. I once compared them to an army, wearing hob-nailed boots, marching on a tin bridge, and once again I make the same comparison.
-I don't object to summer sports, its a great concept. But playing golf indoors is not a very smart idea. You must bear in mind that golf balls make an awful racket on concrete. And the sound carries. Add to that the fact that this golfer is a self-proclaimed addict, and you have a problem on your hands.
Enough complaining for the time being, to be sure.
On a side note, I've received an Apple iPod Photo (30Gb) from my father, as a pleasantly unexpected surprise. I am pleased.

A walk at midnight

I've recently come to the conclusion that nothing is as restoring as a walk at midnight, and listening to sad, slow music, simultaneously. It's extremely relaxing and restoring. It's worth giving a try if you're not in a particularly good mood (a mood which sort of expresses no faith in humanity), and as I find myself in such moods rather often these days, I've found myself putting on shoes at this unearthly hour with unbelievable regularity.
It helps if the night is clear and the moon is out. On such a day, taking a walk in the park, or some lonely place is even more useful. But if you live in Delhi, you run the risk of getting into a brawl with a dog or two (or a pack or two, depending on your luck), so carrying a stout stick along with your music player might not be a bad idea.
Another good place to walk is along a wide road, which is frequented by cows, cars, dogs, and humans during the day, and extremely lonely at night. Seeing two different variants of the same place is very soothing.
The pace of the walk is very important. If you're despairing, then walk at a brisk pace. If you're slightly upset, walk at a leisurely pace.
I can carry on like this forever, but I guess this boring for people out there, so I'll stop without further ado.
Thanking you for your patience,
Dhruv

The Board Results

I just don't know why people give so much importance to "the board results". Its just another result. But people, the fools that they are, think these are the oh-so-important-make-it-or-break-it results.
The result is that the "board results" get a lot of undue importance and attention. The media, relatives, teachers, and some students just go mad.
I'm not raising this issue because I'm disgruntled. It may seem so, because I'm writing on this topic exactly two days after the results, and in a bitter tone, but believe me, I've felt like this all along. I've just got the time to write about it now. And the patience.
TYAGI
Tyagi, the guy who teaches chemistry at the renowned Agarwal Study Centre, is not a normal chemistry teacher. He has a pot belly, is about 6 feet tall, walks into class with the top of his shirt unbuttoned, chest hair showing, long Elvis-like sideburns, and hair like John Abraham. After this description, it would come as a surprise, naturally, to most readers, that he has a mouse like voice. In fact, he almost has a feminine voice. And this feller just has to use "beta" (son) after practically every sentence. Once again in that mouse-like voice of his. I know its not his fault, but what was god thinking when he gave him that voice?
The contrast between his appearance and voice is immense. Its worth seeing.

Random thoughts

-Today is the 27th of May, 2005. Tomorrow is my birthday, and I'm happy, pleased, excited. I also feel old.
-The board results are out. I'm satisfied with what I've got, considering the amount of work I put in.
-My school has done well. Apparently 91% students have got more than 80%. Amazing. A great comeback after the MMS Scandal. RKP Shining.
-I'm astonished by the amount of greenery in certain parts of Delhi. The vella person that I am, I've been exploring the so-called Ridge Forest in Delhi and other such green belts. And I am AMAZED.
-On a side note, Sunil Dutt has died.
-And tomorrow is my birthday!
S'all for now.
I'm too excited to sleep or do anything write now.

Funny incident at the Railway Station

This incident has confirmed my belief that size does matter. I was at the New Delhi Railway Station, when I saw a 6 and a half foot 350 pound German "emerge" (I use "emerge" for a reason) from an Ambassador. You need to visualize the incident to understand what exactly happened.
First, a huge left leg emerged from the interiors of the car, and slowly, slowly, (as if unwillingly) the body followed.
At this point, a 5 foot nothing porter exclaimed "Orey! Yeh to Daanav hai re!" (This is a monster!)

Peculiarities of speech

People speak, and when they speak, they tend to use some phrases over and over again. Some people like to call these phrases "crutches", sort of used to assist thought while speaking, or used just for the fun of it, maybe.
Over the past five days, I've been obseving people and the words and phrases that they often repeat. Here is the result of my study:
Sanjay Agarwal, Proprietor of the Agarwal Study Centre
1. What a beautiful ....
Whatever the darned feller likes follows this phrase. He's used this phrase to describe a question in math, a cup of coffee, a wide road and even a dude called Manan Lalit.
Example: What a beautiful coffee!
2. Kya mast ___ hai re
The dash is replaced by the person/thing/thought/commodity in question.
Example: "Kya mast ladka hai re!" and "Kya mast question hai re!"
Mr. Tyagi, Teacher of Chemistr, Agarwal Study Centre
1. Nothing but...
This is an extremely stupid and unnecessary phrase, but Tyagi insists on using this line. This really lengthens all his sentences.
Example: Atomic Mass is nothing but the mass of an atom
Molecular mass is nothing but the mass of a molecule
2. As you already know...
If I already knew, why would I be sitting in his class, and why would I pretend to listen with utmost attention?
Example: As you already know, one mole of C-12 .....
Vipul Raja, Student of TIS and Agarwal Study Centre (aka Pimp)
1. "Sexy"
Now when the aforementioned adjective is used for dogs or butter chicken, it sounds really weird (Correct spelling this time, I hope)
Example: What sexy butter chicken!
My nani has very sexy dogs!
2. "Full"
Example: There was a full DJ at the party.
Whether Pimp expected just half a Dj is a mystery to me.
Mr. Pande, Teacher of Chemistry, Agarwal Study Centre
1. ".... are as follows"
This Pandey dude very conveniently appends "are as follows" to almost every sentence that leaves his mouth. The reason is not known to me, and he has made no effort to enlighten me on this mysterious usage.
2. "... and all this and all that"
Another very annoying usage by Mr. Pande, and it's equally unnecessary.
There are other overused phrases as well, and I might list them later,if I hae the time and energy.
One more thing, Blogger Spell Check wanted me to change Sanjay (from Sanjay Agarwal) to Snazzy and Agarwal to Accrual, which would make his name "snazzy accrual"!

A tussle with a cow

The "cow menace" has really gone beyond being a menace in New Delhi nowadays. I was witness to one such event of "Cow Rage" (all phrases in quotes were coined and used by TOI, not me).

The sole motive of the cow seemed to be to try and insert its horn through the metallic shell of the car (much like a fork through an omelet), and the sole motive of the car's driver was to get as far away from the cow as possible. When such clashes of strong-minded (and possibly fat-headed) individuals take place, there is bound to be a heated argument and an exchange of words..
But this wasn't the case this time. The driver was cursing the cow in all languages known to him, but the cow was either very thick-skinned or just wasn't concerned. It went about its work in a manner which would've put business-oriented Europeans to shame.
All were having a merry time, when suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere, six burly "jaat" cops, equipped with lathis and ropes emerged and dispersed the crowd. The cow was more obstinate and refused to budge.
The exalted leader of the "jaat" cops shouted to the cow "Key karan lagra hai?" (What are you doing?)
The cow, unfortunately, didn't understand and remained quiet on the issue (maybe it didnt wish to hurt diplomatic sentiments). This infuriated the exalted leader of the "jaat" cops, who after glancing at his lathi proceeded to place the lathi underneath the cow, and then pushed upwards.
To this the cow replied with a loud grunt and moved away, much to the disappointment of the now dispersed (but still expectant) crowd.
The thing fizzled out without much action, but it could've led to something serious. The point I'm trying to make is this: Why doesn't the highly incompetent MCD do something about this?
Something must be done to avoid a clash of interests and avert impending disaster.

Gandhiji's Talisman

With all due respect to Gandhiji (I respect the man immensely), I'd like to point out that his Talisman is probably the funniest, stupidest and the most pointless pieces of text ever written.
This is it:

Whenever you are in doubt or when the self becomes too much with you, apply the following test:-

Recall the face of the poorest and the weakest man whom you have seen and ask yourself if the step you contemplate is going to be of any use to him? Will he gain anything by it? Will it restore him to a control over his own life and destiny? In other words, will it lead to Swaraj for the spiritually starving millions?

Then you will find your doubts and your self melting away.

Very selfless and all that, but is it realistic? I believe in being realistic, and this is expecting just too much. Apply this test, and you'll probably never do anything at all.
Should I go for a walk? Should I buy a new shirt? Should I take a bath right now or later? Should I have a snack?
If you follow Gandhiji's words you'll probably end up not going for a walk, not taking a bath, not buying a shirt and forgetting that snack. Wierd.
Note: I did not mean to offend any "followers" of M.K. Gandhi by this post.

Insatiable Desires

What are 'insatiable desires'? I've heard countless people, magazines, journals, and others mention these two words, and then sigh. Are any desires truly insatiable? Is anything actually beyond reach, or is it that we never truly try hard enough?

For something we desire, we should be willing to try, try and try again. Try till we succeed. If you don't try hard enough, you probably don't desire it or you just give up too easily.

Is it possible, just possible, that things, deeds or actions that seem beyond our reach are actually within our reach/grasp, but we never try hard enough? Maybe we just don't try strive for things, and 'give up' too easily, so to speak. If this be the case, then we are entirely responsible for our failures, and obviously also our successes.

Or maybe, there is no limit to what we can do and achieve, but we just create a line or boundary beyond which we feel we can't go?

This leads us to something else: Is anything impossible, or beyond our ability? Is it?

I personally don't believe there is any limit to what anyone can achieve, given that we try hard enough, with zeal, persistence, enthusiasm and spirit. I also think that nothing is impossible, if the just-mentioned criteria are fulfilled. I don't like losers, I don't like people who give up, I feel they truly are failures, and need to help themselves.

Sorry about this wierd post, my posts are normally very frivolour and entirely free of any serious thought, but this time I just had to right a serious entry. Don't worry people, I'll probably never write a serious entry like this one again.

Speaking clearly

The importance of speaking clearly is often underestimated. After all, being understood is the most important part of speaking. You speak to get a point accross, and if you aren't clear, you're bound to confuse the person with whom you're conversing. This leads to what is called a conversation gap.
And when you dont understand what the other person is saying, out of politeness you tend to agree. This can make you look stupid or land you in a tight spot.
Example 1
In Psmith in the City, Mike is at a dinner party where he's been talked to by a Clergyman, who is not making himself very clear in speech. So Mike, out of politeness, keeps agreeing to whatever he's saying. Then, the clergyman asks Mike to pass the mustard. Mike doesnt understand what the fellow has just said, and he feels he should take a stand and so says "No.". In other words, he refuses to pass the mustard!
Example 2
In Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld is having dinner with his friend Kramer and his girlfriend. Kramer's girlfriend does not make herself clear, just like the aforementioned clergyman. Seinfeld is about to appear on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno, and in trying to be polite, he agrees to wear a "puffy shirt", the ones that pirates wore. He doesnt know what he's agreed to, and when he realizes, he gets a nice shock.
I can think of many such instances, and I myself encountered such an individual, and out of politeness, kept agreeing. I hope I havent landed myself in a "tight spot", but this is what I felt.
So people, please take my advice and speak clearly.

Monday morning at priya

This morning I visited The Basant Lok complex, and much to my surprise, found a group of 15 modernites, in school uniform, occupying four tables and 8 chairs at Barista, at 11:30 when they should have been studying in their classrooms. Their presence was not surprising (In the past week, after the vacations started, I've been to Priya everyday, and have found Modernites with equal regularity), merely their number. I've never seen them bunk in such large numbers. I admire their cheek!
A disturbing happening which has weakened my faith in humanity, was the presence of Tagoreans (students of Tagore International School) at Priya, when even they should have been in class studying whatever they study. Modernites are excused from this, as I'm quite familiar with their "thinking ability" (coined by Sanjay Aggarwal) but Tagoreans, I had a higher opinion of them. I never thought they could stoop so low, to the level of Modernites!
On a monday morning at Priya, after you wade your way through Modernites and Tagoreans, you're bound to find droves of fat women (And I mean Fat) who have nothing to do and just "float" from shop to shop buying practically nothing.
After I'd made my way through these categories of the human race I was struck by a bolt of lightning. I was shaken and stirred. I saw a fat lady who had dyed her hair BLUE, no doubt with the best of motives, but it further shook my already battered faith in the human race.
In fact, at this time on mondays, shopkeepers shouldnt bother opening their shops. They get practically no real customers, just errant schoolgoers and fat women. Thats it. Not worth their time, I should think, but it seems they enjoy entertaining the above mentioned class of people, for some reasons, which remain in the deep recesses of their brains.
Those, as you must have noticed, were my views on Monday Morning at Priya. Should you, for some reason, remain in doubt, I would recommend reading this entry again, to get a better hang of it, though I will not be held responsible if you die of boredom.
S'all for now people.
Dhruv Kumar has had his say.

A "rude pig"

What is a "rude pig"? Please give me your opinion, I've been totally vexed by this mysterious expletive.

A jog at Vatika

Vatika, to the unacquainted, is the name of a decently sized park in front of DPS VK. It also happens to be the hub of all Vasant Kunj Joggers Clun, and in recent times I've added my name to that illustrious institution of so-called joggers.
A jog there can be quite invigorating and entertaining, besides the exercise point of view. A "jog" at Vatika essentially consists of the following:-
1. A walk to Vatika with coke and mp3 player in your hand
2. 30 min jog at Vatika
3. 1 hour chat with other members of the Vasant Kunj Joggers Club
4. 30 min at CCD, doing nothing, basically chatting
5. A slow walk back
Its quite enjoyable actually, especially when I have practically nothing to do these days.
What I've noticed at this park, and many other parks, is that the humanity there can be divided into clear categories.
Category 1: The Yogis
They usually flock together and are normally older than sixty five. You'll find them laughing loudly at the same time, when there doesnt seem to be anything funny. They cover the grass with stupid rugs and sit there talking about how the present generation has lost its morals and stuff!
Category 2: The hardcore joggers
These are probably the only people who've come with the purpose of a jog, and they usually stick to an extremely strict regime. Its tough to engage them in any form of conversation, basically because they're just so focussed on their jog. Most can be seen with mp3 players (or some similar music playing devices) and jogging shoes.
Normally between 20 and 35 years of age.
Category 3: The morning walkers
The middle-aged people who dont find themselves able to jog and who dont think they're old enough to start yoga. You'll find them walking in a business like manner through the parks, as if they're going to attend a conference at the other side of the park. They normally jog with a cell phone held tightly in a hand. (I have also seen a bright morning walker walking with a Tata Indicom Walky, with that big instrument, and making a complete fool of himself. By the way, the person in question is Ankur Goel's father!)
Category 4: Socializers
These people come to jog just because they've heard it might to do them some good, and they have a lot of free time to kill, and they feel they might meet people and have interesting conversations. Normally between 15 and 25 years of age. They never seriously jog or walk, or do anything worthwhile.
I'm not sure which category I belong to, but I think I might comfortably pass off as a socializer.
That, my friends, is all for now.
Dhruv has had his say, and is hence feeling relieved, and maybe even elated.

Places of supreme significane in my life

Two places, as I've already mentioned, have been of supreme importance in my life for the past one year. They've changed the way I've looked at life, and how I've lived life. Their effect has been profound, to say the least. The places are:-
1. Priya (short for Basant Lok Complex)
What can one say about this place? It's a place that needs no introduction. It's more of an institution for dipsites than a place. As my cousin says "Hum to yahein paley-posey gaye hain". In the past one year, I've been visiting this place like a religious fanatic visits a temple. It's a place of pilgrimage, due to it's proximity to my home, homes of close friends, entertainment offered and fun and unpretentious atmosphere. Many a whack at the Chocolate Excess have I had under the humble roof of Barista and many pizzas have I munched under the thatched roof.
2. The Agarwal Study Centre
This is a magical place for me. I've studied here, had fun, had fun at the expense of Mr. Sanjay Agarwal, made friends and learnt things that I would never have learnt. Such was the level of enjoyment at this "Temple of Learning" that I looked forward to classes at the old centre. Just to meet friends, have fun and possibly even study. The reasons for this were numerous. The main reason being Sanjay Agarwal himself, the way he let us enjoy without any restrictions. The second being the students. They were a spirited lot, and i'm going to miss them much much more than my class at school (which consisted exclusively of losers, nerds, backstabbers and ass-holes). I made more friends here in one year than I did in 10 years in school. The way we used to sit for 45 minutes at Cafe Coffee Day when Agarwal gave us a 15 minute break, and how he would come after us to call us back! Just memories now.
Well, I think I'd better stop. Enough of this trash.
Bye Bye
(The names Kumar, Dhruv Kumar)

Something funny

Saying that Mr. Carmody was obstinate, would be a tad mild. Pigs bowed when he passed and mules could have taken his correspondence course.
--P.G. Wodehouse, Money for Nothing

This is undoubtedly one of the funniest lines a human being, with a decent sense of humor, can find in a book. Try and visualize a fat man strutting into a barn, surrounded by bowing pigs and mules queueing up to join "Carmody Obstinacy Classes". Its absolutely hilarious and should make you rock with mirth. But if you don't laugh, don't curse me, I didnt write these lines, curse Wodehouse.
Cheers!